Stepping back from your adult children....

I spent an awful lot of time with my kids while they were growing up.  Homeschooling them will do that for you.  I think, as parent/child relationships go, I have a pretty good one with all my kids.  I wasn't one of those over-the-top hide your kids away from the world homeschool mom's.  I did shelter them pretty good when they were little.  That sheltering was eased up as they grew up.  At 16, I felt they all had developed into young adults that could basically make their own decisions in life and started backing out of that process.  They made mostly good decisions.  I have "basically" good kids. 

That's not to say they don't aggravate me at times.  They've all made decisions I don't like.  They've all made decisions I don't agree with.  They've all lived in a way, I'd rather they didn't.  Not one followed the plan I'd have given them ... but I can only laugh at that.  What kid follows their parents' dream for them ... it's their life and their dreams anyway. 

I have had to take on a couple of quotes that I read.  They are not my own thoughts.  I don't even know where they came from or who to attribute them to.  I think they are the thoughts of a lot of people:

  "Your decisions are not my consequences."  AND "You don't have to have an opinion where you don't have responsibility."

Parenting words to live by when your kids are older, I'd say.  I'm having to put those quotes to good use this morning.  And, I'm also letting them teach me this morning.  When your kid continually does something that aggravates you and you keep letting them ... even though you know better ... it is your own fault.  In this case, it's MY fault.  I took responsibility for something my daughter should have been doing.  It cost me money.  The money doesn't really matter.  It wasn't that much money.  But, money with her is a huge issue.  I knew better to take her responsibility from her.  It isn't a favor to do that to your kids.  You need to let them be responsible.  This daughter is very irresponsible in many ways in her life and I totally understand that I have played a hand in it.  I need to STOP doing this ... and NOW.  STEP BACK ... step away from taking responsibility where it doesn't belong to me. 

Long Distance Grandma

You know ... being a long distance grandma really stinks.  I just got off the phone with my eldest daughter.  She has two children ... and I'm missing out on so much.  I've wrapped my entire world around children, mine and so many others ... and it kills me to not have the ability to hop on over to visit my daughter or grand babies.  This is a part of my life that I just want to stomp my feet and throw a temper tantrum and yell LIFE IS NOT FAIR.

But then, I realize that I raised this amazing girl who was self-assured enough to move thousands of miles away from home and made a life for herself ... and has a great husband and home.  Trouble is ... it's just too far away.   
We visit a couple of times a year.  How on earth am I going to be any kind of influence in those childrens' lives?  I long for the days when families stayed in close proximity.  This "global" world isn't so cool for me.

Searching ...

Well, here I go.  Searching.  Looking for some feedback in life.  I feel a little lost in life.  I spent my entire adult life taking care of my husband and kids.  My youngest baby is about to turn 21.  And, although she is thrilled at that prospect ... it's made me think ...  a lot.  And, me, I'm about to turn 50.  I'm well past the time of needed reflection and planning the next phase of my life!

I feel like I'm at loose ends in life.  Living in a small community isn't helping.  Everyone thinks you have to stay the same as you always were.  I'm a different woman than I was when I was raising my kids.  I've really extracted myself from this community. 

I've had some extended family setbacks, too.  I severed a toxic parental relationship just recently.  That was a long time coming.  It's been hard emotionally.  I've done a lot of reading ... daughters of alcoholic parents/dysfunctional parents ... and learning so much about myself and why I am the way I am. I don't hate my parents ... I truly wish them the best.  They did the best they knew how.  But, as awful as it sounds, severing that relationship hasn't really changed my world a whole lot ... beyond having way less stress in life.

I have an awesome husband.  People think we're crazy to live like we do.  He travels a lot.  Basically gone Monday thru Friday most weeks.  He gets home Friday for dinner and is home all weekend, every weekend.  Once in awhile I even get him evenings during the week.  This lasts for about 10 months of the year.  Those other two months ... he's all mine. 

I am a follower of Jesus. My faith is my anchor in life. 

So, welcome to my world.  Follow along with me while I do some searching ...